Thursday, August 30, 2007

Doing better

Am feeling better than the last time I posted. I guess my moods correspond with where I'm at in my cycle. Well today is CD17 and for the last 12 months I've usually ovulated around this day, sometimes a little bit later depending on how much stress I'm under at the time. I am hoping that hubby and I have been lucky enough to catch the egg this cycle because I really don't want to undergo the laparoscopy that I am booking in for shortly.

So on the emotional scale I'm hovering somewhere around hopefulness. I think what has helped is that I'm starting to be more pro-active about my weight issues and have been under the guidance of my naturopath. She has just got me started on a supplement that is meant to be just as effective as Metformin but without all the nasty side effects. It may be about a month or more before I notice any changes but what it SHOULD help with is my sugar cravings.

Something else I've been thinking of doing is getting myself weighed weekly or fortnightly at the local pharmacy, just to monitor my progress. While I'm waiting to fall pregnant I might as well work on my health and fitness right? :-)

Friday, August 24, 2007

Struggling, bitterness

I have found it very difficult these last few days to remain hopeful and positive... it's so hard to witness other women falling pregnant and then gloat about all the excitement of a baby and changes they are experiencing in their bodies.

It has now been a year since the second miscarriage and I honestly thought I'd be pregnant again by now. I had hopes for 3 or 4 children before 35 but I'll be lucky if I get to have one and I certainly don't want to be having them later than that.

Why is it so easy for the women who weren't planning or didn't want to have children? Or worse, the drug addicts and alcoholics?? Something should be done about those women, I'm not afraid to say it. I think society has no backbone when it comes to the junkies spawning offspring, the government will throw every bit of assistance at them just to keep mother and child together, the mother will just take the money and spend it on her next fix while her baby screams for love or food or a warm piece of clothing. How about taking these children off these hopeless, careless people and giving the innocent young ones a chance at a good life?

And yet the women who take care of themselves, who try so hard to achieve motherhood, they are the ones who must pay out thousands of dollars (Mr Costello? How about making it easier for us to have "one for mum, one for dad and one for your country"??) just for the privilege of a chance at motherhood.

I am going to ask about some counselling because I just become so angry about these issues and I have some moments of absolute despair at the injustice of it all. Hopefully this time I can be referred to a counsellor who ISN'T pregnant.

Friday, August 17, 2007

More than just holding hands

Had the appointment with Dr B, went as well as it could I suppose. I'm having a CD23 BT to confirm ovulation and check oestradiol, prolactin and homocysteine levels then go back to Dr B on 11 Sept for the results. As long as they are ok then I will be booking in for a laparoscopy & HSG dye test to see if my fallopian tubes are clear or blocked.

I have no idea what will happen beyond that, Dr B didn't even go into it. But I still laugh when I think about how Dr B approached the subject of how often hubby & I have been having intercourse.... he said to us "I suppose you two are doing more than just holding hands?" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!

Oh, and I definitely DO NOT have a bicornuate uterus!! Dr B ought to know, he saw it up close and personal when he did my D&C two years ago. He explained to me that when the sonographer did a transverse image of the top of the uterus he probably did the transverse a little too high and got this "blob" on the image which he mistook for being the septum of a bicornuate uterus. According to Dr B I probably have just a very slight septum and it definitely would not have been to blame for both my miscarriages at 6wks.

So.... I'm guessing that as long as I am ovulating regularly and as long as my fallopian tubes are not blocked then our next move will be IUI (Intra Uterine Insemination) with ovulation induction (probably just Clomid for me). I'm guessing that it's going to cost a few hundred dollars for each go at IUI which isn't really an option for us right now but I suppose we'll work it out somehow.

Saturday, August 11, 2007


Sticky brown CM and a pale pink smear on the loo paper, it's only CD27 but I'm sure AF is on the way. Damn bitch, couldn't you even give me a glimmer of hope for a few more days?????

Friday, August 10, 2007

Not long to go now

Just 5 more days til I see Dr B. I'm getting quite anxious, I want answers but I'm also dreading what he might say.

Have been charting my temperatures for this cycle so I know for sure whether I'm ovulating. My chart looks pretty convincing to me, the only thing is that I have hardly seen any cervical mucus so my charting program is only giving me a dotted crosshair for my ovulation date rather than a solid crosshair. The only tangible signs I've observed are higher temperatures and tender breasts.

So I'll take a copy of my charts with me just in case he asks if I'm sure I've ovulated. Dr B thinks charting is a waste of time but isn't it interesting that Drs will look at your charts if you think you can give them the info they need?

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Fourteen days to go

........ and I'm starting to feel a bit nervous about my appointment. I have no idea what Dr B will say or what tests he might order or he might even just conclude that my only hope is IVF :-(

I wish hubby could come with me, we just don't know at this stage if he will be able to because of hassles we are having on the farm.