Wednesday, April 22, 2009


Today is the 2nd anniversary of when my second pregnancy was due. I am filled with sadness, because in two days' time I have to face another date of significance - when Baby J would have been due.

Last night I felt so lonely and sad, missing my hubby so much, so I cried until I was exhausted and finally fell asleep. I feel so drained today.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009


My cousin has just announced she is pregnant with her 2nd. She says she didn't want another baby but I doubt she was actually doing anything to prevent it.

If only I could have babies so easy and effortlessly.

I'm missing my hubby more than words can say, I can't even have a hug when I'm feeling down.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009


We got our money. Not all of it, nowhere near what he owes us, but it's a start. Now I can get the ball rolling on a few things to get me one step closer to moving to the UK.

Thursday, April 9, 2009


I don't think I have a choice but to commence legal action against my ass-hat FIL, he has pushed us too far and thinks he can get away with not paying us.

He's in for a massive rude shock in a few weeks' time, he couldn't even begin to guess the wildcard we've got up our sleeve, it's going to bring his business to its knees just like he has done to ours.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009


Missing my husband so much at the moment, we've never been separated for this long before, let alone being so far away from each other.

I'm trying to keep myself busy organising things for our move but it's a constant reminder that he's not here and because I can't get in touch with him until he gets the phone connected I am sick with worry :(

The other thing that has been weighing heavily on me these last few days is that Baby J's due date is just a couple of weeks away. I used to be part of a pregnancy forum but obviously I can't participate anymore and I just know that the other mums due this month are all having their babies or preparing to have them.

This empty feeling in my heart and my arms is awful, I hate the sight of any pregnant woman I pass by and I hate hearing about other people's babies and how wonderful or clever they are. It is at the point now where I'm deliberately isolating myself from any family gathering or social situation where I might be confronted by bulging bellies or young children.

On top of all this stress, my FIL owes my husband and I over $50,000 for services rendered to his business and he is refusing to pay, in the meanwhile we are accumulating debt and interest on top of that debt. He doesn't give a flying rat's arse about us and is very happy to sit back and watch us go bankrupt. How fucked up is that??

Wednesday, April 1, 2009


I'm back in Australia now and I've been quite busy getting things organised so I can go back to the UK in a month's time.

Getting our household items sent to Sydney from Victoria is turning out to be expensive so I am trying to find a cheaper alternative. I only want to sell alot of stuff then send the rest over to the UK, so at the moment I'm considering having a moving house sale in a community hall or a scout hall down in Vic, then stick everything else in a shipping container and send it overseas.

If only my husband would answer my emails, but he isn't and I'm getting worried sick coz I don't know what's going on. If you read this Mr J, please enlighten me!

In other news, AF has been and gone, it was probably the least painful period I've had in a few years. I think it was due to a combination of acupuncture, acupressure, Chinese herbs and dietary changes. Now I'm just utterly miserable at the sight of a pregnant belly. I would be just three weeks away from having a baby by now. It's all completely fucked.