Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Today is the day

I am as ready as I can be. Got my list of questions for the FS, hopefully he will be able to answer everything for me before I can even ask.

Hubby & I are going to see the new Batman movie and have dinner out, should be a nice way to unwind.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Four sleeps left

Four sleeps to go and I can't sleep. Constantly thinking about the appointment, wondering how much longer I will have to be an outsider to all the pregnancy joy and excitement.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Six days to go

Building a list of questions for the FS. I am so nervous.

Sunday, July 20, 2008


10 days to go.

I am feeling paralysed by my emotions and fears. Just sit at my computer scouring the internet for answers, I am so desperate for answers. Can't think of doing anything else until I find answers.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Two more weeks

Two more weeks......

Two more weeks......

Two more weeks......

Two more weeks......

Two more weeks......

Just need to get through the next two weeks.

I never imagined that I would have to go through so much just to be able to have a baby. And I never imagined it would be this hard. Possibly the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.

The journey is far from being over, that's the scary part.

Another scary thing is that one of the girls who I was in a pregnancy thread with back in 2006 is pregnant again. She is already onto her second baby while I am fighting just to have my first.

If only I could fall pregnant and have a baby so effortlessly.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

I must be psychic

I haven't been going for walks with my neighbour Kelly for a couple of months, we've both been either too busy or too slack. I just had this strong feeling about a week ago that Kelly is pregnant and I said to hubby, I bet Kelly is pregnant again.

So I called Kelly today to arrange our morning walks again and just as I had predicted, Kelly is pregnant. 15 weeks along. Due on 6th January. Exactly two weeks after I would have been due, had I sustained the pregnancy.

This sucks.

Monday, July 14, 2008

I am jealous. I can't deny it.

There is this energy between pregnant women that a non-pregnant woman, like me, just doesn't understand. I can't make a connection with that energy until I am well and truly pregnant. Maybe it's just that they are expecting babies and it's all the impending excitement, being able to share some kind of womanly bonding... I dunno... I'm not making sense really. It's just so hard to be outside of that circle, listening, reading, watching. Waiting.

Sunday, July 13, 2008


CD1 for me, but two pink lines for my TTC buddy Jo!!!


Fucking hate this.

Friday, July 11, 2008


I can't recall exactly when my last period started, around the 6th of June I'm guessing. It was painful and heavy on the 8th of June, so it makes sense to me that it had started two days beforehand.

Then on CD26 & 27 I got positive OPK's, so had intercourse in the hope that we might be lucky to conceive.

On CD32 or roughly 6DPO I found some dark red spotting which at first I thought was my period starting. I continued to have light spotting for two more days then it stopped.

Today is approx CD37, 10 or 11DPO and I have no idea what's happening, no cramps, no soreness anywhere in my body, and a negative pregnancy test to finish it off just nicely :-( But the positive is that my temperature is up around 37.1 so I'm considering that a good thing.

Thursday, July 10, 2008


Finally got to see a naturopath yesterday, so started my herbal medicine today. I had forgotten how tasty the stuff is. Bluergh...

Also taking a supplement to help with oestrogen detoxification as I suffer from an excess of oestrogen in my body because of PCOS. The product is called Meta I-3-C, the base ingredient being Indol-3-Carbinol. In my search for information I discovered that some cancer patients also use I-3-C to inhibit cancer cells. Some types of cancer feed off oestrogen so the I-3-C helps to break down the oestrogen before it can be taken up by the cancer cells.

Sunday, July 6, 2008


Number of days til Naturopath and counselling appointments. Thank goodness.


Number of days til FS appointment. Not going fast enough.

Friday, July 4, 2008

I know this is a boring blog

It's just that the last two weeks have been especially horrific, I am just not dealing with my fertility issues at all. All day long I am thinking of pregnancy and babies, sometimes I feel a bit hopeful but the rest of the time I feel nothing but despair and a deep aching feeling, and this fear that it's never going to happen.

Why is it that I keep torturing myself by looking at photos of pregnant bellies? I will sit at my computer for hours looking at the belly pics thread on the forum I visit almost daily. It aches so much to see all those beautiful blossoming tummies, knowing that there are tiny little people baking away inside. I want one of those tummies so much.......

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Change of plan with the naturopath.

I have cancelled the appointment for 31st July because I have found a different naturopath who can see me on the 8th, next Tuesday. Three weeks earlier :-D

I am glad I found this one, she is the one I was thinking of calling originally as she specialises in women's health. I really can't wait to meet her, it will be good.