Tuesday, March 24, 2009

It's all over

I'm on cycle day 2 and I feel totally shattered and let down by my body. I have been through so much in these last few years, it would have been the best thing to look back on this year and say "well at least I was able to achieve motherhood in 2009". No chance now.

Not sure if I'll have an opportunity to update this blog for a month or so, I won't have net access that often and hopefully I'll be too busy to ponder on things too much.

Thanks for reading and posting your support, see you again in about a month.

xo B

Sunday, March 22, 2009


I'm pretty sure it's all over for this cycle, I started spotting yesterday :(

I don't know how much longer I can do this.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

So far so good

I have been able to resist testing. Only because the test isn't in my bag as I had believed, it is in another bag that I left at a friend's place.

No signs of AF yet, I've had a few little pains here and there but I'm trying my best to ignore them and hope that it's just a placenta implanting nicely.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

In other news...

A non-baby, non-pregnancy related post.

Hubby and I have been travelling since November when we sold up and left the farm. We travelled through NT/SA/Vic and then spent a week in Sydney before we flew to the UK before Christmas.

We've been in the UK for over three months now, it is so lovely over here and while my thoughts often turn to going back to Australia, we have decided to live in the UK for a year. Hubby is a UK citizen so he can stay for up to 5 years without losing his right to return to Australia as a permanent resident.

I haven't told anyone yet, it's going to be incredibly difficult to tell my parents, they will be devastated to be so far away from me. I'd appreciate any suggestions.

Please tie my hands behind my back

I am trying so hard to be patient and let nature take its course.

If my estimates are right, my period is due in three more days, give or take a day, based on my cervical mucus and the positive LH surge I got earlier this month.

So if my period hasn't shown any signs of coming by Monday, I'll be in with a pretty good chance that I'm pregnant.

It is SO hard resisting the temptation to do a pregnancy test. I have just one digital test in my suitcase, I think I need to hand it over to hubby and tell him to hide it from me.

Please say a wee little prayer for me.

Sunday, March 15, 2009


It's all I have.

I dreamt last night that I am pregnant. I hope this is true.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Pausing to remember

Today is the 11th of March. Two years ago my first baby should have been born, my first pregnancy was due on this date.

It hurts, I feel such a profound sense of loss.

Monday, March 9, 2009

I'm so dizzy my heading is spinning...

Not sure what's going on, but I had a yucky migraine last night, and then tonight I've been feeling quite dizzy and a bit nauseous. Too early to be assuming anything, so I'm just putting it down to something being out of alignment in my neck. Hopefully I can have it fixed when I have acupressure next, although that's not til Friday.

I did another POAS this morning and got a very negative result so I can be almost certain that the LH (luteinizing hormone) surge has passed and I have ovulated. I even felt a little bit of pain around my pelvic area last night, that could have been ovulation happening. I do feel it sometimes, it's pretty weird!

Sunday, March 8, 2009

POAS frenzy

The last few days I've had some pretty obvious signs that I am close to ovulation. I've been using ovulation prediction tests (peeing on a stick = POAS) to pinpoint when will be the best time to conceive, and the cervical mucus has been coming like crazy, the most I've seen in any cycle. So I think we've got a pretty good chance this cycle of falling pregnant :-)

What I think has really helped is the acupuncture, acupressure and Chinese herbs. The last few cycle have been 7 weeks, 6.5 weeks, 7 weeks. But this cycle is definitely shorter, by my estimates it will be 5.5 weeks. Getting closer to my usual cycles of 4.5 weeks.

By my calculations, if I am lucky to be pregnant this cycle, I will be due late November.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Turning a corner

Still having my down moments but I feel better than I was a few days ago.

At the moment I'm studying the work of Caroline Myss, in particular her book titled Anatomy of the Spirit, and I'm listening to her audiobooks titled Sacred Contracts. There's alot to learn but it's helping me to make SOME sense of why I keep losing babies. It's based on the chakras, or energy centres, of the body, and what we experience in our lives (our biography) can manifest as illness in our bodies (our biology).

Must sound confusing to you, but it's starting to make sense to me. I need to do more research on this, but it does take the edge off the pain in my heart.