Resilience

I was standing in the post office in my local town this morning when I felt that all-too-familiar trickling sensation. I paid for my stamps and walked as calmly as I could back to the car, hoping that nobody could see how much I was bleeding. Got in the car, drove home as fast as I could without being a total idiot (110kph... not good but could have been worse), blood going everywhere - right through my clothes, into the car seat. Then a massive clot. I felt like I wanted to scream, it was scaring me so much.

Pulled up at my house, walked inside as gingerly as I could, got to the bathroom and blood went everywhere. I was sure it was all over, it was worse than ever before. Took me ages to clean it all up as well as myself, called Andrew to let him know, called the hospital and spoke to the midwife who saw me only two days ago, she called my Dr and he said come in straight away for a scan.

So I finished cleaning up, got dressed and drove back into town (without my purse or any money - it was the last thing on my mind even though I needed it!!) and waited patiently to see the Dr. He had to leave but his wife works in the same clinic so I saw her instead. She whipped the ultrasound machine on, applied the gel and I held my breath.

Baby was still there, heart still beating :-) and just as the Dr was about to take the ultrasound wand away, baby did a little jump for us! Very encouraging to see.

So what is causing this freaking nightmarish bleeding every few days?? Drs are all saying it's a blood clot, but now it's a clot right near the placenta :-( I think the placenta is disturbing the blood clot and causing it to break away and start bleeding again. So, what am I supposed to do?

I am seeing an Obs tomorrow, perhaps she can give me a possible explanation, maybe a referral to have an ultrasound on a much better machine that will give us a clearer picture?

I wish I didn't have to see my baby under these circumstances... it's lovely to know it is still alive and thriving (bouncing) in my belly, but geez...

Bring on October 17th, I'll be 13 weeks by then and officially at the end of my first trimester. Hopefully the bleeding will stop completely once I'm in the second.