Wednesday, July 25, 2007


Where does resentment fit in on the emotional scale?

I don't even know if resentment is the right description for what I'm going through right now. Maybe it's bitterness... or irritation. Yep, irritation.

What irritates me is that some people find it so easy to fall pregnant when they weren't even trying. I find it insulting, especially when they are doing all the wrong things to their bodies and they continue to do it when they know they are pregnant.

I have fought hard to get to the physical state I am in, to recover from stroke, PCOS and obesity. I have all but given up alcohol - I really have to be in the mood for a glass of wine which is... gee... maybe twice a year? I have never smoked a cigarette or joint, I hate the smell of both. I have never touched illegal drugs. It's a bitter irony that healthy women who would love nothing more than to bear children are unable to while a crack whore can fall pregnant and have a baby who is born with a severe addiction. It's disgusting.

It is coming up to two years since we started TTC and right now I am having to witness someone I know going through pregnancy who wasn't even trying to conceive, continues to smoke even though she writes it off by saying that she has cut back sooooo much. I can't stand the sight of this young woman now, let alone hear her voice. Hubby knows I am struggling with it, but what more can I do? Life is pretty harsh sometimes :-(

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