Thursday, September 17, 2009

Four years

I just realised tonight that it has been four years since hubby and I started TTC.

Four years.

Three D&C's.

One laparoscopy.

Hundreds of ovulation tests.

Dozens of pregnancy tests.

Countless blood tests.

Four miscarriages.

No baby.

I was just reading back on some posts from two years ago. I was a little bitter then about the whole process and how easy it is for some people and how it's all so unfair.

Fast forward two years and I have all but given up. Of course people are going to find it easier than me, of course they are going to have effortless pregnancies. I am beyond bitter. I can't even think of the right word for it.

Sometimes I believe it will happen, but most of the time I don't know what to believe. Getting my hopes up seems dangerous. So too does falling at God's feet and begging for mercy.

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