Sadness

Missing my husband so much at the moment, we've never been separated for this long before, let alone being so far away from each other.

I'm trying to keep myself busy organising things for our move but it's a constant reminder that he's not here and because I can't get in touch with him until he gets the phone connected I am sick with worry :(

The other thing that has been weighing heavily on me these last few days is that Baby J's due date is just a couple of weeks away. I used to be part of a pregnancy forum but obviously I can't participate anymore and I just know that the other mums due this month are all having their babies or preparing to have them.

This empty feeling in my heart and my arms is awful, I hate the sight of any pregnant woman I pass by and I hate hearing about other people's babies and how wonderful or clever they are. It is at the point now where I'm deliberately isolating myself from any family gathering or social situation where I might be confronted by bulging bellies or young children.

On top of all this stress, my FIL owes my husband and I over $50,000 for services rendered to his business and he is refusing to pay, in the meanwhile we are accumulating debt and interest on top of that debt. He doesn't give a flying rat's arse about us and is very happy to sit back and watch us go bankrupt. How fucked up is that??