Saturday, February 28, 2009

Blah.

Yeah, feeling really blah tonight.

I'm sorry for the woe is me post, but I feel like this is the only way I can vent because nobody else I know can really identify with what I am going through.

I have been trying really hard for the past few days to think positively and repeat my new mantra whenever I start feeling down and negative about my chances of ever falling pregnant again and carrying that baby to full term.

I am hurting. So much. And right now I'm staying with friends who do know about my miscarriages but they've never been comfortable with talking about it. The only other person here who I could try to talk to about it is hubby, but any time I do bring it up it's like there's this wall that has suddenly been thrown up. As if he has gone down into shutdown mode and doesn't have anything to offer me.

What am I meant to do with all this sadness and grief that is building up inside me?

It feels like I'm living a nightmare that is never going to end.

I just want to feel my little baby boy inside me. It's cruel and wrong that he's not here with me anymore.

1 comment:

Danimezza said...

I don't understand how you feel but I can only imagine and it still makes me cry.

The only feeling I know is the constant emptiness that is the hope to be filled. I'm still getting used to the idea of my changing body but I still know what it's like to hope so badly. I'll never forget.

You can always talk to me. I might never know the right thing to say but I'll listen. oxox