The last 10 or so days have been very difficult. I've had some really black moments and broken down completely, I've even told Andrew that I didn't want to live anymore because I just don't want to deal with the memories and the pain.
But as time draws nearer to our departure from the farm I'm feeling a bit more hopeful. Not hopeful about babies in particular, I'm certainly not confident about my ability to endure another pregnancy, should it fail again. Hopeful isn't really the right word, I'm probably more excited about leaving and having a kick-arse holiday.
We have about 22 days until we drive away from the farm forever, I just feel like I'm escaping a place that contains so many bad memories and so much pain. Getting away and having a relaxing holiday is going to be so good for me physically, spiritually and emotionally. I can't wait to breathe the air of the outback and wrestle crocodiles... or not.
I'm going to let this blog go for a while, there's not really much more I can post about at the moment. I might come back and update after my appointment on October 22nd just to let you all know how the procedure went (having a polyp removed from my cervix).
So for now, my travel blog is all I will be posting on, if you're inclined to read come and see what we're up to