Fucking bitch

Every time I think about this incident it makes me furious, even more furious after I've just had another miscarriage.

Around March 2004 I had just been diagnosed with PCOS, it suddenly made sense of all the unpleasant symptoms I'd been suffering for years. But it also made me realise that I potentially had problems in the future when I wanted to start a family. I was single at the time, felt very negative about the possibility of ever meeting and settling down with anyone.

At this time I was trying to make a living as a consultant for The Body Shop which involved conducting parties in people's homes so that they could have a good time, play with the products and hopefully spend some money. My ex-BF's mother Sandra offered to host a party at her house and she invited along lots of female relatives and friends.

One of those relatives was her younger sister Leanne, I've known Leanne for years to be friendly and kind, the type of woman who would do anything for people. I always liked Leanne and got along well with her.

After I'd conducted the party and people had placed their product orders, everyone dispersed to have some lunch and drinks, and I was sitting there holding Sandra's first grandchild who was about 3 months old. Along came Leanne to have a chat to me, saying how natural I looked holding a baby, which I took as a nice compliment.

And then...

To my absolute horror, right in front of all the women in the room, Leanne started RANTING about the fact that I was single and at the top of her voice she started saying shit like

"So when are you going to settle down and have kids yourself Belinda???"

WTF? Bit hard to do that when I am SINGLE you dumb twit.

The worst part came next. Leanne got in my face and with one arm gesticulating in a clockwise motion, fingers snapping to represent the numbers 1-12 on a clockface, she then said to me:

"YOUR BIOLOGICAL CLOCK IS TICKING YOU KNOW!!!"

* snapsnapsnapsnapsnapsnapsnap *

Well fuck me. Thank you for pointing that out Leanne, I actually had no idea. I'm so grateful you were able to bring it to my attention in front of all those women.

That incident has burned itself into my memory, it's like a red hot poker that comes out just for special occasions, such as when I've suffered a miscarriage.

Fucking SMUG fertile bitch, she has no idea how much that day has impacted on my life and my feelings of being pathetic, unworthy and incompetent as a woman.

I want to confront her about it, I want to tell her exactly how she has hurt me and how the pain I go through is doubled whenever I remember what she did to me that day. I know that I shouldn't give her the power to hurt me, but I think I deserve an apology, I want her to admit her mistake and I want her to say she is sorry. So when I go to Sydney, I think I will be making a housecall and finally confronting her about it. It's the only way I can find closure.