Doing alot of thinking tonight

and have realised that my life feels so empty and I am missing out on so much.

Infertility isn't just a word, it is an ugly reality. While so many friends are falling pregnant and going through all the motions and excitement of pregnancy, I am in this stagnant place. I am wondering, will I ever be able to experience all the amazing things that they are going through? Will my turn come when I have lots of appointments and milestones to celebrate too?

I cried today for my angels. If I had never miscarried, I would have a 7 month old baby by now. I am convinced that it would have been a girl. And I realised how cold and quiet the house is with only me and my husband in it. This house should be filled with the noises of a family. Mummy, Daddy and Baby.

But it's not.

The pain and the emptiness is horrible. I want it to end. I want to be happy and comfortable in the knowledge that I am going to be a mother. And it's terrifying to think that that may never happen.