Thursday, October 9, 2008

A talk with mum *preg mentioned*

My mum phoned today, she is coming down on October 28th to help me pack as much as possible before we have to move.

During our conversation she told me about my aunt's neighbour's daughter who is about 25 years old and as fertile as they come. She has FIVE children and cannot look after any of them because she has been suffering some mental health issues and has spent some time in the psych hospital.

So this girl (I can't call her a woman - it doesn't befit her) has just in the last week confided in my aunt that she is three months pregnant (oh fuck... I just realised that she will be due around mid-late April... that's when Baby J would have been due...) and she is too scared to tell her mother.

It is this girl's mother (and father) who have ended up with legal custody and caring for these children because the girl cannot care for them.

After listening to my mother tell this story, I felt really upset. And I thought, well if I'm going to have a talk with Mum, now is the time. So without telling her about my last two miscarriages, I said to Mum that I find it really hard to hear about these women who have absolutely no trouble breeding on, and could she please not tell me anymore. I proceeded to tell her about the situation with Leanne back in 2004 and how much it hurts me every time I remember.

I started crying and then SHE started crying because she had upset me :'-( it was a difficult conversation to have without giving away anything, but I just told her that it's best not to tell me about anymore babies or pregnancies because we have been going through our own personal hell. Mum asked if we'd ever adopt, to which I said no, I just don't have the strength to go through the process of trying to adopt a child from overseas. Then she asked if we needed IVF and I had to say no, that won't help our situation either (didn't tell her that we've already seen two fertility specialists).

So then I got the "maybe once you've sold the cows and left the farm, had a nice holiday and you are RELAXED..." talk. Very calmly I said to Mum, there is no truth in the Relaxed Holiday Theory, it is a total myth.

And after apologising to me for upsetting me, we changed the topic and never mentioned babies again. But I can bet you $20 that as soon as she hung up the phone she burst into tears and had to phone someone because she has upset me. And then she will have told them that Belinda and Andrew are having problems trying to have a baby, and the old gossip mill will start churning again.

Maybe that's not a bad thing? Maybe it's easier for people to know that we're having trouble with starting a family, maybe they will at least be aware of it and not ask any questions.

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