Joy/Knowledge/Empowerment/Freedom/Love/Appreciation

Passion

Enthusiasm/Eagerness/Happiness

Positive Expectation/Belief

Optimism

Hopefulness <--- Now I reside here

Contentment

Boredom

Pessimism

Frustration/Impatience/Irritation

“Overwhelment”

Disappointment

Doubt

Worry

Blame

Discouragement

Anger

Revenge

Hatred/Rage

Jealousy <---- I used to reside here

Insecurity/Guilt/Unworthiness <---- and here

Fear/Grief/Depression/Despair/Powerlessness <---- and here

6 weeks today

Hhhmm, not sure why my ticker puts me one day ahead, maybe it's a time difference thingamy.

So I'm pretty sure I'm 6 weeks along today, oh boy is this going to be a looooong pregnancy. It's not going quickly enough for my liking. I have never made it past 6.5 weeks so this is a really, truly scary time.

Excited but....

As happy as I am that I am now pregnant again, after suffering three miscarriages I can't help but feel really anxious and scared that it is going to happen again.

I haven't had any spotting or bleeding to suggest that it is happening though, and I hope like mad that it stays that way. To have my baby stripped away from me so many times is just unfair, it can't keep happening.

I am trying to stay positive and only think good thoughts and have hope for the future, but sometimes it's difficult to do when I've been robbed and cheated of something that comes so easily and effortlessly for others.

Officially pregnant!

Whooooohoooooooo!!!

On 18/8 my beta hcg level was 466, progesterone 37.4.

Fucking fantastic!! I am officially pregnant!

* dance *

I had another blood test today, hoping to have the result by tomorrow morning. Levels are supposed to double every 3 days, today is actually 4 days since the first blood test so my levels should be well over 900 by now?

No news is good news

Had blood sample taken today, results should be available by tmrw afternoon.

No sign of spotting or bleeding, so today is a small victory!

My only signs are enlarged, sore boobs and that bloated, heavy feeling down in my pelvis.

+

On the 14th of August I was feeling absolutely crappy and miserable about everything and I knew that AF was expected any time but I decided to do a HPT just for the sake of it, to put myself out of misery and accept what was to come.

So imagine my shock and surprise when I saw two lines come up on the test almost instantly??

I actually did the test, put the cap on it and stuck it in my pocket, promptly forgot about it and then remembered again about 30 seconds later hahaha!

I did a second test the next day, just to be sure.

Sooooooooo nervous now, my blood test is tomorrow and I know I won't get any results until Tuesday afternoon at the very earliest.

After suffering three miscarriages already, I am very anxious about this pregnancy. As usual, no real symptoms other than sore breasts. I will feel more reassured when I start suffering from a bit of morning sickness.

Disaster

Appt went down like a lead balloon, I walked out sobbing.

The FS tried to tell me that the only thing he could do for us is IVF. He flatly refused to do any further testing on either myself or DH.

What does this guy reckon IVF is going to do for us that natural conception can't? If he wants us to jump straight in the deep end then I want an iron clad guarantee that he will get me pregnant first go, or I want my money back.

But we know that's not going to happen, so we have a new referral to a new FS and I'm seeing him on 21st August at 1pm.